Finishing the book!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Done!!!!!!!!! I can't believe after MORE than 4 years of work, tears, stalling, a crashing pc, lost data and just everyday life....It's done!

It feels like I just dropped about 20 lbs off my shoulders! I feel like I could cry a river, dance a jig, do a million cartwheels!!!

This is one amazing process. I never knew how much in me this would change; Didn't know that this is REALLY a big deal. I mean, it's just a book, right? Wrong - LOL. It's an extension of me. The part that people don't often see....my thought process, my feelings, my heart! To some it may seem trivial - write down some recipes that people like and sell em! But the issue initially with that is that these are MY recipes! Ones I've developed over the years and feel a certain vulnerability (if you will) in releasing them to the world. It's been my pleasure to cook/bake for family and friends and know that no one can make those special dishes for them like I can. I am...the holder of what they enjoy - LOL. And now people want me to just release them to the world like birds and let them fly!!!!

Getting through that bit of the manutia I think was the most difficult and I didn't get through it alone. It was TRULY my wonderful friends and family who reminded me that in truth NO ONE can make those dishes like me. That will never ever change no matter how explicit your recipe. It will still be....mine. That gave me the push I needed to jump that first hurdle.

Next was quantifying ingredients in a recipe. OY VAY!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me!?? I don't know.....some a this and some a that, LOL! This is where I got the idea to just say...Here's the list of ingredients and here are some tips on making it. Make it Yours! Customize it to you and your diners' preferences. No recipe is written in stone. What a relief! That started the ball rolling on the theme of 'Playing' with your food. I'm SO glad that happened!

Next...the recipes had to be tested. Who better to test them than my audience?! Why? Because they're the ones who will be reading it. It's for them that I've used a specific format, so I want to know how it's received. That was the most fun :-) and I was soooo surprised at the responses. People REALLY did try things out and review them! How amazing! What a great push that was for me to know that I was still on the right track with the book!

Now that I'd had my fun with the testers, it was time to edit and do the layout. Let the stalling begin! There were times when I'd pick up steam and be on a true roll then...there were the times when I'd say...oh yeah...I'm supposed to be writing a book..hmmm...sigh...hmmm. Seemed like the times I stalled the most was when I began dating someone and my focus got erroneously diverted. BIG mistake. Not only did I lose sight of my goal, but I wasn't being true to myself....hmmmm....ALOT of lessons learned, ALOT of tears shed. I also couldn't quite honestly connect with the goal of the book anymore. WHY was I writing this book!? What the hell was I gonna do once it was done!? I previously had a 'plan' and all these wonderful ideas, but I lost sight of them. They quite honestly became more scary and daunting.

Fear is a very crippling thing! No matter how much support I had to go ahead and do it, no matter how many people said 'Oh I would just LOVE to take a class or learn how to do such and such', I couldn't get past the fear and inadequcy I felt. Strange for a person who would dare to do just about anything, go just about anywhere with no prior experience or knowledge.

The fear, distraction, low self-confidence all kinda just took a life of its own and finishing this book (which would catapult me into a new journey in life) seemed impossible.

HOWEVER, there is that thing called Faith. Jumping, so to speak into something and not knowing really where or if you'll land. And by admission, jumping into the unkown is truly one of my specialties - LOL. My faith was so thin you could floss your teeth with it! I cried (even now) because even though there is fear and doubt and inadequacy, I felt that God MUST know what he's doing and because I know this gift (whatever it is) truly is from Him, so I must continue.

True to how faith can manifest into reality, once I got through alllllll of that manutia....Things happened. I bought my house, lost some weight, discovered more of myself, fell in love (with a man who loves me as much as I love him!), lost more weight, remembered that God can dream MUCH bigger dreams than I can, had some more dreams that confirmed this is TRULY connecting now with who I am and believe myself to be in the future AND....FINISHED THE BOOK!

What a wonderful, teary, fun journey this has been! Now that it's done and sitting in the hands of the publisher, I'm praying all goes well and there are NO MORE edits! I am EAGERLY awaiting its publication! No matter the public response, I've completed the task I set out to do more than 4 years ago and I'm sooo proud of myself for seeing it till the end!

So I begin where I end; Armed with a new book, new dream and courage to continue on a journey of beautiful unknowns!

Golf Cake....

This was a fun cake! Not difficult and I was REALLY proud of my fondant! I still have alot of work to do on perfecting my work, but given the fact that the cake had curves, I did well. Usually curves and corners are more difficult to manipulate, but not this time! Woo hoo! It's a bit like trying to fit a pie crust over a cake; that would be about the consistency of rolled fondant.

The animal was supposed to be an homage to Caddyshack....a gopher. Wellll - I thought it was a mole, so I made a mole. OOPS - LOL. Have you ever seen a picture of a mole??!!! UGLY little suckers! And I have those things underground in my backyard??!! YUCK!!!!


Anyway, back to the cake. I came up with a new flavor name....the Obama flavored cake. 1/2 choc., 1/2 vanilla :-) - pretty cool, huh? Instead of just 'marble' why not Obama? LOL.

The mound that the mole came out of was made from the cake scraps when I carved it. That was pretty easy; I just mixed it with a little icing so it would hold it's shape and wala! A dirt mound was born! I tried to be as true-to-life as possible.

The sand trap was made from sugar in the raw that I ground into a fine powder, pretty neat, huh? Looks pretty real! People asked me if it was real sand, lol. The 39th hole represented the persons age. (it was for a surprise B-day)

I used just a classic buttercream to ice it (under the fondant) and it was received really well.

One of the many things I would like to improve is my speed. I take WAAAAY to long to finish a cake. They're always on-time, but I need to be able to move faster.

I also need a higher powered mixer (Hobart) so I can dye fondant without killing my wrists and shoulders. My fondant colors thankfully come out just as I want, but getting them there - WHEW! That's TRUE labor!

Although there were some things I would've done differently, I'm not beating myself up about this one, I'm really happy with the results :-). I took my time and REALLY paid attention to each step. I would also say that having the support of a WONDERFUL man was really great! I was up until the VERY wee hours of the morning finishing this and so was he. Just the fact that he was up while I was, made me feel really, really, really special! (Of course the fact that he got to taste the pieces that were carved helped - lol.)

Onto the next!

Finally blogging on the Topsy-Turvy project

Well - here it is! VERY late though I know in blogging about it. I contemplated what I write; Would I say....'Oh this was the best experience I've had' or 'I was scared, but I made it through'. After MONTHS of contemplating and procrastinating, I will (as I should anyway), be honest. VERY honest.

I will preface this by saying what some already know about me; I am a perfectionist. For good or bad, this is me; I accept and deal with it accordingly. Having said that, I quite honestly.....hated the results! I didn't do ALL of the work required to make this a success. Not that I conciously neglected it, but just plain forgot and wanted to kick myself in the end. What I forgot to do - MEASURE! That was the BIGGEST mistake. I didn't measure the layers to make sure they were in proportion to the other. The second layer (silver) was TOO big to go into the bottom. I should've done a 10 in. insted of 12 in. there were multiple problems with the fondant. The color was ok, but it cracked in several places. The stars and number 16 were HUGE and much too big for the cake. Again, measuring would've been my friend on this project. Lesson learned. It's over...done with....gone!


Now that I've gotten that off my chest - LOL. What I LOVED was the challenge. So yes, I him and haw and moan and groan, but in the end, you can't REALLY grow if you don't make mistakes and learn from them, right? I wanna do it again. The perfectionist in me has to get it right :-)

The texture of the cake and flavors were great! The buttercream was ooooooo so creamy and delicious!!! There were other things I saw that I could've improved, like you know when you get a slice of cake and on the edge where cake meets icing you see the very thin brown? That's the outside of the cake. Technically speaking it's where the sugars rise and brown (I know maybe TMI). Asthetically, a cake done properly won't have that layer and THAT my friends separates a good cake from a great cake :-)

Tiered cakes are already a beast, but the Topsy-Turvy can be like a beast mocking your attempts - LOL. Not only do the layers have to be measured and doweled correctly, but you have the added challenge of torting (cutting) them to a grade and cutting a circle inside that grade just big enough for the other layer to fit. I didn't do this so well - lol.

Many times during this project I said to myself 'Am I TRULY crazy', 'Why is it that you HAVE to bake cakes'? This truly does require alot of patience in the beginning. Just like mastering anything else; It requires, commitment, focus and extreme focus on detail. As much as I've complained about this and many other projects, in the end, the recipients were happy. Very pleased in fact and proud that I attempted the feat. It is very difficult to be proud and satisfied when you know you could've done better. But it does give me what I need to do better. The answer to my question...I REALLY do dream about cake design, flavor, color. I really DO love conquering difficult tasks, no matter how much I whine and cry. I really do love seeing the looks on others faces when I do something great or unexpected. Sometimes when I see or taste a cake, I honestly, honestly do think in the back of my mind 'I can do better' or ooooooo 'How'd they do THAT?!' And, when I hear of someone paying someone else for a cake I think, 'I wish they'd asked ME to do it'

Perfection is a goal. Sometimes a very high and lofty goal, I admit, but a goal none-the-less. My challenge, my big challenge however is to truly, truly do my best. Accept that things will not always be perfect and to move with the mistakes and anticipate them rather than be surprised by them. Mitigate the angst and disappointment and learn better how to adjust through the tasks.

So now what? Onto the next challenge! Better prepared and more relaxed! Ommmmmm...Ommmmmm....Ommmmm (chanting while in a yoga position - lol)