Finishing the book!!!!!!!!!!!

It's Done!!!!!!!!! I can't believe after MORE than 4 years of work, tears, stalling, a crashing pc, lost data and just everyday life....It's done!

It feels like I just dropped about 20 lbs off my shoulders! I feel like I could cry a river, dance a jig, do a million cartwheels!!!

This is one amazing process. I never knew how much in me this would change; Didn't know that this is REALLY a big deal. I mean, it's just a book, right? Wrong - LOL. It's an extension of me. The part that people don't often see....my thought process, my feelings, my heart! To some it may seem trivial - write down some recipes that people like and sell em! But the issue initially with that is that these are MY recipes! Ones I've developed over the years and feel a certain vulnerability (if you will) in releasing them to the world. It's been my pleasure to cook/bake for family and friends and know that no one can make those special dishes for them like I can. I am...the holder of what they enjoy - LOL. And now people want me to just release them to the world like birds and let them fly!!!!

Getting through that bit of the manutia I think was the most difficult and I didn't get through it alone. It was TRULY my wonderful friends and family who reminded me that in truth NO ONE can make those dishes like me. That will never ever change no matter how explicit your recipe. It will still be....mine. That gave me the push I needed to jump that first hurdle.

Next was quantifying ingredients in a recipe. OY VAY!!!!!!!!!!! Are you kidding me!?? I don't know.....some a this and some a that, LOL! This is where I got the idea to just say...Here's the list of ingredients and here are some tips on making it. Make it Yours! Customize it to you and your diners' preferences. No recipe is written in stone. What a relief! That started the ball rolling on the theme of 'Playing' with your food. I'm SO glad that happened!

Next...the recipes had to be tested. Who better to test them than my audience?! Why? Because they're the ones who will be reading it. It's for them that I've used a specific format, so I want to know how it's received. That was the most fun :-) and I was soooo surprised at the responses. People REALLY did try things out and review them! How amazing! What a great push that was for me to know that I was still on the right track with the book!

Now that I'd had my fun with the testers, it was time to edit and do the layout. Let the stalling begin! There were times when I'd pick up steam and be on a true roll then...there were the times when I'd say...oh yeah...I'm supposed to be writing a book..hmmm...sigh...hmmm. Seemed like the times I stalled the most was when I began dating someone and my focus got erroneously diverted. BIG mistake. Not only did I lose sight of my goal, but I wasn't being true to myself....hmmmm....ALOT of lessons learned, ALOT of tears shed. I also couldn't quite honestly connect with the goal of the book anymore. WHY was I writing this book!? What the hell was I gonna do once it was done!? I previously had a 'plan' and all these wonderful ideas, but I lost sight of them. They quite honestly became more scary and daunting.

Fear is a very crippling thing! No matter how much support I had to go ahead and do it, no matter how many people said 'Oh I would just LOVE to take a class or learn how to do such and such', I couldn't get past the fear and inadequcy I felt. Strange for a person who would dare to do just about anything, go just about anywhere with no prior experience or knowledge.

The fear, distraction, low self-confidence all kinda just took a life of its own and finishing this book (which would catapult me into a new journey in life) seemed impossible.

HOWEVER, there is that thing called Faith. Jumping, so to speak into something and not knowing really where or if you'll land. And by admission, jumping into the unkown is truly one of my specialties - LOL. My faith was so thin you could floss your teeth with it! I cried (even now) because even though there is fear and doubt and inadequacy, I felt that God MUST know what he's doing and because I know this gift (whatever it is) truly is from Him, so I must continue.

True to how faith can manifest into reality, once I got through alllllll of that manutia....Things happened. I bought my house, lost some weight, discovered more of myself, fell in love (with a man who loves me as much as I love him!), lost more weight, remembered that God can dream MUCH bigger dreams than I can, had some more dreams that confirmed this is TRULY connecting now with who I am and believe myself to be in the future AND....FINISHED THE BOOK!

What a wonderful, teary, fun journey this has been! Now that it's done and sitting in the hands of the publisher, I'm praying all goes well and there are NO MORE edits! I am EAGERLY awaiting its publication! No matter the public response, I've completed the task I set out to do more than 4 years ago and I'm sooo proud of myself for seeing it till the end!

So I begin where I end; Armed with a new book, new dream and courage to continue on a journey of beautiful unknowns!